When somebody speaks of celibacy, it often sounds like a position-paper, one in which the speaker is taking a political stance against sex and using abstention as an ideological weapon to demean sex as an immoral act.
But when Sophie Fontanel, Parisian, woman of the world and a senior fashion editor, writes of giving up sex and enjoying sleeping alone for years, it reverberates with irony, charm and intelligence.
Her memoir of living sexless, The Art of Sleeping Alone, is, however, a lonely voice.
It takes courage to go against the grain in matters sexual in France, where as Fontanel says in another place, to have sex is compulsory and to go sexless would most likely be a cardinal sin.
Yet, as Fontanel suggests, many, even in Paris would love to go sexless. But they are afraid to live a non-sexual life, lest they be perceived as un-French.
The French like to pretend they are in love with sex and put on a show to save their reputations (as the oh-so-sexy French).
Fontanel thinks of desires other than those that manifest themselves in sexual contact with another body:
I can take more pleasure while watching Robert Redford shampooing Meryl Streep’s hair in “Out of Africa” than being in a bed with a man. Sometimes I took pleasure just by staring at men’s necks. Sometimes, just by listening to a voice. It was libido, trust me. It was desire. But society doesn’t recognize this kind of felicity. It’s too much! I’ve learned that most people mainly want to prove that they are sexually functioning, and that’s all. Strangely, people are ashamed to admit that they are alone in their beds, which I discovered is a huge pleasure..
A review of Fontanel's memoir can be found here.
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